I came to Dronningslund to be enrolled in one of the best private colleges in the country in the hopes of becoming a general surgeon. I had an urge to help people, to save lives, as many as I could. I was tired of the nightmares I've had since I was a boy, unable to do anything about my mother and feeling helpless, and most of all, useless. No doctor could save her, of course, nor did any try, but I hated knowing that I had so many opportunities to try and stop my father from murdering her and abandoning Camilla and I. Had I just been a little stronger, had I been smart enough then to realize the hate in his eyes, all the anger and sadness, I could've maybe saved my mother's life had I known what to say to my father before he left us. It was obvious just by looking at him that he had reached his wits end, driven by madness at the betrayal of both his wife and brother, but I didn't realize his pain until it was too late. I could've done something, I felt that I was partially responsible for what had happened..
My uncle was in the hospital for a while after my father had shot him three times, I visited him a lot and he eventually made a full recovery, though he walks with a limp sometimes from one of the bullets shattering his knee. He decided to take in both Camilla and I and we lived with him, my Aunt Nina and my cousin, Kat, for a little while, though soon after him coming home from the hospital, him and Aunt Nina broke up and she took Kat with her. I guess Aunt Nina truly hated looking at him after knowing what he had done. We lived with her until my Uncle got out of the hospital, and once he did, it seemed as if she was gone just as fast as he had come back.
We got to spend time with Kat every other weekend when she came to visit her father, but he was still distant and cold, depressed a lot, drinking heavily.. It was sad seeing him like that, so Kat and I spent a lot more time together than her and her father. I didn't find out for a long time why this all happened, but, a little after my thirteenth birthday, the more I thought about it, the more questions came to mind and I went to him for answers. Why my father felt the need to kill my mother, why they were all at the same scene together, why my father shot him.. After hitting puberty, everything made a lot more sense when pondering it all in my head than what I had been told, and I felt that everything that had been said to me years ago was a lie.. None of it made sense, none of it explained why my father had gone so mad.. But then, my Uncle had finally told me everything, everything my father wanted him to tell me and it didn't take me long to find a new definition of hate for my Uncle. For years, I had hated my father, I never knew why any of this had happened because I was too young to understand, then I found out that I was hating the wrong person that whole time.. I had ripped up and threw out the note my father had left the moment after I read it, but now I understood why he wrote it in the first place. I still haven't been able to forgive him for taking my mother from me, even despite what she had done behind his back, and mine, but at least now I understood everything. I was finally told the truth. I then found out that Camilla wasn't my actual sister, but my half-sister, and I had also found hate for my mother, as well, just from that one fact.. How could any man keep their sanity after being shown such deceit?
Despite the hate I had for my Uncle, I stayed under his roof until I was eighteen, working my ass off at school, focusing all of my energy on my education so that I could get scholarships, so that my determination and my will to become a doctor would be noticed and I could get that much closer at being able to help people. Kat and I had always stayed close, so she worked hard as well, but in a more artistic way, doing theatricals and also getting into the same school I was in. She practiced dancing mostly, though ballet was her favorite. She was the captain and choreographer of the ballet course and I enjoyed going to the plays she would put on for the school every year.
It's our third year in college now and we live off campus within the town. I share a townhouse with Kat, Camilla, and our best friend, James, that we met first year here. He's a really nice guy, well-mannered, humble, but a little clumsy sometimes. James is trying to become a doctor like I am, so we have a lot of the same classes together, which makes it somewhat difficult to focus, but somehow I still manage. Camilla graduated high school early and although she shouldn't technically be in college yet, she managed to get into our college, too, by working as hard as Kat and I. Kat and Camilla don't get along, they never truly did, anyways.. It's hard living with them under the same roof, but thankfully, Camilla is an exchange student, and she studies abroad in Europe, mostly France. She only visits about two or three times throughout the school year, and although I missed her and wished that I could see her more often, it's better for her to be in France, away from Kat and away from the drama that is all of our lives. I'm happy for her, she's doing what she loves, and that's all I ever wanted for her to do.
It's been hard for me to make any other friends, though.. I'm too shy of a person to strike up a conversation with a stranger and I find myself uncomfortable at parties, and what's worse was Kat was well aware of the fact.. But, she was just the opposite of me, she loved the party life and loved having fun and drinking, and I was coming home on this Saturday night to a Halloween party she was setting up.. I don't even like Halloween, so that's even more of a reason for me to dread coming home to a pumpkin decorated house.
I took a deep breath in as I walked home, smelling the ocean flowing through the canals within the town and I thought about how I wish I had my bathing suit in my backpack so I could go swim in the clean, crisp waters. I loved swimming, and no matter how hot or cold any water was, I loved being in it. I was even a member of the Polar Bear Club for diving in the ocean at unspeakably low temperatures, but the act was thrilling and I do it once a year every winter. I loved the night, too, I'm a bit of a night owl and my favorite thing to do is swim under the black sky. I know of a small pond just outside of town that I go to religiously during the spring and summer and I float on my back for hours as I watch the stars. Nothing, and nowhere else, is better.
I got home and looked at the decorations on the outside, furrowing my brow a little towards all the pumpkins and I even hated looking at the scarecrow, starring at me, plotting my death. I knew he was.. I stared at him as I walked passed him, hating his stupid scarf and his creepy face.. I would push him over, but he's Kat's favorite decoration of the holiday and she'd kill me if anything happened to the scary bastard.
I picked up my pace a little and walked to the door, coming into the house and I shut the door behind me, seeing even more pumpkins and Halloween decorations within the foyer and the dining room and I sighed, wishing I could just take all of it and throw it in the dumpster out back..
The house was quiet on the first floor, but as I walked up the stairs to the second, Kat's indie music that came from the living room filled my ears and I saw her setting up more decorations in her revealing costume. I tried to not look at her and sneak passed her, going to the stairs that led up to the third floor, but the first step I took up, Kat noticed me and she yelled over her music.
"Ollie! Where have you been? Go put on your costume, people are going to be here any minute!" She exclaimed, following me upstairs and I rolled my eyes without her noticing.
"You know I have a class on Saturdays.. Besides, I don't even have a costume to put on, and you know I hate Halloween.. And parties, and pretty much everyone at this school.." I replied.
"Oh my God.. Don't be such a downer, just wear your ninja costume from last year! Who cares? There's a lot of the girls from my ballet class coming, too, you should introduce yourself to some of them! They always talk about you in class," she continued to try and persuade me.
"So?" I asked with little interest as I reached the third floor, walking passed Kat and James' rooms to go to the last and final set of stairs, the ones that led to my room on the top floor.
"What do you mean 'so'? You haven't even hooked up with anyone since we've been here! It's been three years! Who the hell does that, anyways? Sad people, that's who.. People who need to focus a little less on school and have fun every now and then.." She mocked me as I continued up the stairs and to my bedroom door, walking in and tossing my backpack on the ground.
"Kat, I hate today. Why do you do this every year? It's so annoying," I replied with irritation, landing lazily on my bed and trying to drown her out.
"Please, Ollie? Even James is wearing a costume.. This is my favorite holiday and I want you to enjoy it with me.. It's never a party without you, and I told a lot of the girls you were going to be here," she whined and pleaded.
I let out a loud, aggravated sigh into my pillow before I answered her, "Fine.. But I'm not going to be down there long, I still have studying to do for a test on Monday," I replied and I heard her let out an excited laugh.
"Yay! Alright, now get dressed and come downstairs!" She answered and I heard her leave my room, shutting the door behind her.
I laid within my bed for about half an hour, then getting up and I began my search for my ninja costume Kat had bought me to wear last year. I undressed from my school uniform and put on the itchy costume, already hating that I had agreed to wear it and I adjusted it in slight frustration, putting my mask on last. I could already hear the music a lot louder and clearer from the second floor all the way up here on the fourth and I could even hear people drinking and having fun at the party just starting.
I dreaded facing any of them, but I figured if I stay close to James, like I usually do at every party, maybe it won't be so bad. He didn't really care much for the parties at our place, either, but he liked making Kat happy like I did, he was just a little more willing than I was. He's told me before that he has feelings for Kat, ever since he met her, actually, but the poor guy still hasn't confessed to her and he punishes himself even more by seeing all the guys she hooks up with right under his nose, probably the only reason why he doesn't like going to parties with her. I keep telling him to confess, but he's almost just as shy as I am, and he feels like he has no chance with someone as wild and free-spirited as her. I hope one day he gets over that fear of being rejected, I think they'd make a cute couple if Kat ever decided to slow down her life and give 'having a boyfriend' a chance.
I left my room with a heavy sigh, going downstairs to the third floor and I went to James' room, knocking on the door and seeing if he was still in there and hoping he was so I didn't have to go down to the party alone.
"James? You in there?" I asked through the door, listening for a few moments and realizing he wasn't there.
"Dammit.." I let out quietly, walking over to the stairs again and going down to the second floor.
The music was so loud that I could feel the ground vibrating just slightly, looking towards the living room and seeing a few girls in there, then looking to the other room and seeing Kat flirting with a guy leaning up against the wall, but still, no James..
The girls at this school were all beautiful, but boring.. All of them were the same, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Barbie's and none of them really stood out. They all talked the same, acted the same, they all might as well have the same names and bar code numbers printed on their asses from being shipped out from the factory with a pink bow in all of their hair. I had remained in all-boy's schools until college, so the co-ed campus was a change, though learning with girls now seemed like more of a nuisance than a blessing. The guys here were the same as the girls, too, most of them with the same looks, blonde hair, blue eyes, same attitudes.. The only thing that hasn't changed much is that I still get bullied, but only when Kat isn't around.. She had quite the pull around here since she was one of the blonde Barbie's that walked the streets now..
I hated how almost all the people at this school looked down on the ones that were different.. They had rich parents, looked down their nose at everyone else, all of them were a little two-faced to some extent and it was hard to believe that any of them were actually friends with one another. Yet another reason why I didn't like talking to them, not just from my shyness.. I guess Kat really did fit in, though, she was a lot like them and it was sometimes a little too much to be around her when she had those girls to feed off of. I was glad to have met James, though, the one guy I've found here to be different and I was glad to have a friend like him outside of Kat.
I ventured downstairs to the first floor, noticing James standing by the keg and I smiled behind my mask at the sight of him. Finally, someone I knew and actually wanted to be around.. I walked up next to him and I laughed softly at his cowboy costume, "Going to a rodeo?" I asked mockingly and he looked up to me with a gentle scoff.
"Shut up.. I couldn't find a costume when Kat and I went to the Halloween store and she ended up picking this out for me.." He replied, taking a drink of his beer.
"Of course she did," I said with another laugh.
"Whatever, you're wearing a repeat costume, that's a lot lamer than what I'm wearing," he joked back with a grin.
"Well, I guess Kat dressed both of us, again this year," I replied and we laughed together.
"Have you seen her around, by the way?" He asked, losing my grin slowly behind my mask.
"Yeah.. She's upstairs in the beer pong room," I replied, though I hoped he wouldn't go upstairs to find her already flirting with the few guys that were here.
"Want a beer?" He asked after a long silence, looking to me and offering up his bottle, but I shook my head.
"Nah, I'm not in the partying mood.."
"Since when are you ever? I don't even know why I asked.." He mocked and I rolled my eyes.
"I have to study for a Pathology test on Monday, and so do you, actually.. I don't feel like drinking tonight, anyways.. I hate looking at all this Halloween shit.. I'll probably go to my room in an hour and get yelled at by a drunk Kat at two in the morning when I'm trying to sleep and everyone's gone," I replied and he laughed.
"I'd rather her come to my room, I'm jealous that she always goes to yours whenever she's drunk.."
"You wouldn't know what to do with her anyways, you turn stupid or something when you're around her," I mocked back.
"No I don't.." He replied quietly, looking to his beer and pouting just slightly.
"Yeah you do.. Remember the last party where you went to go bring her a beer and you ended up tripping right when you got to her and spilled it all over her? Or, during the same party, after you had spilled her beer on her, you then came back to apologize and did the same thing, but spilled your beer on her instead.." I pointed out and he opened his mouth to contest, but I stopped him and continued, "You weren't even close to being drunk yet, too, so don't even use that excuse.." I said with a grin he couldn't see and he gave up trying to defend himself and he stood there sulking.
"Okay, well.. Maybe I'm not very smooth around her as I'd hope to be," he admitted, "One day, though, I'll know exactly what to say to her," he continued with a sense of confidence, though it was something I'd have to see in order to believe..
I watched as he looked around the room, "Heads up, looks like those girls might come over here.." He pointed out as he took another sip of his beer and I looked around the room.
"What..? Who?" I asked nervously, but I answered my own question when I looked across the room and noticed a group of three girls looking at us. I sighed behind my mask when I saw the girls giggling to one another when they noticed us looking at them. "I should've just stayed in my room.."
"Why do you hate the attention so much? These girls drool over you and all you care about is school. Don't you ever want to, you know, relieve some stress?" James wondered and I shrugged.
"I'm as successful with talking to girls as you are flirting with Kat," I mocked and he gave me a sour expression, "Besides.. They're all the same. What about any of them sticks out to you?" I asked and he looked back to the girls.
"Hmm.. I guess you're right, they all are kind of the same," he replied, finishing his beer and I watched as the girls giggled to themselves and began walking over towards us. I grew nervous and averted my eyes away from them, looking over towards the stairs and Kat came down them. James' eyes lit up when he saw her and he pushed his empty beer bottle against me, forcing me to hold it, "Speaking of talking to girls, I'll see you later," he continued and I panicked a little.
"Hey, wait, come on! Don't abandon me now!" I pleaded in a harsh whisper, but he walked off quickly towards Kat and left me to deal with the clones walking over to talk to me.
"Hi, Ollie.." One girl said shyly with a smile.
"Hey, Oliver, I like your costume," another mentioned and I smirked nervously, assuming they knew my name from Kat telling them, but I didn't know any of theirs.
"Uhm.. T-Thanks.." I replied. I didn't know what else to say.. My eyes danced all over, unable to keep them on any one person or object and I didn't want to stare at them and be rude. There were two times out of the school year where we were allowed to wear outfits that weren't our uniforms, Halloween and also the Formal Dance just before we get let out for the summer, and this holiday was the one where girls could dress like sluts and no one would think twice about it. I suppose I didn't mind seeing more of their bodies rather than just their exposed legs from their school skirts, but, if anything, it only made them more intimidating to talk to. I preferred leaving things up to the imagination, and with some of their costumes, there wasn't much left to imagine. I guess it was fun and exciting for them to be able to dress in something else that wasn't their uniforms, but some of them indulged in the holiday a little too much..
I couldn't even stand here without feeling awkward and with James gone and unable to help me out of this situation, I bailed on my own.
"Can I get you a fresh beer?" One of the girls asked and I swallowed hard, feeling my Adam's apple bob against the fabric of my mask that covered my neck.
"I, uhm.. I gotta go take care of something actually," I replied quietly, handing one of them the empty bottle James had forced on me and I walked away towards the foyer, going to the stairs and up to the second floor.
I managed to sneak passed Kat's watchful eye since James was distracting her and I continued my way upstairs until I got to the fourth and I escaped into my room. I shut the door behind me and sighed heavily, "I hate parties.." I let out quietly, reaching up and removing my mask and tossing it aside. I reached back and grabbed the costume by my neck, pulling it over my head and getting rid of the itchy fabric, then removing the bottoms to the costume and I tossed those aside as well, changing into a pair of sweat pants and sitting down on my bed.
It was so much more relaxing in my room and away from all those people.. To think that I would even last an hour down there was beyond me and I much more preferred to be alone than with people I didn't know, nor wanted to know. Lying there on my bed was comforting, I wasn't really in the mood to study anymore and all I wanted to do now was sleep, but I wasn't tired yet and it was hard to think about sleeping when I could still hear the bumping of the music from the party happening below me..
After roughly ten minutes of lying there, I got up, walking over to my desk and sitting at my computer. I opened my laptop and began searching for resources that I needed in order to be ready for the test on Monday and I began studying like I didn't want to, but what else was there to do now when it's something I need to do anyways and I couldn't sleep?
I studied until about one in the morning, my eyelids finally beginning to grow heavy and I dozed off for a moment, but I was woken up by the quiet sounds of drunk footsteps on the stairs and I knew Kat was coming up. I sighed and waited, soon hearing her at the door and she barged in without even knocking.
"Ollieeeee! Wha- What are you doing?" She slurred a little and I watched as she flamboyantly pranced around my room.
"Oh my g- You're studying? Really!? You didn't even party with me be-because you were studying?" She continued and I sat there, swiveling around in my chair and watching her lay down on my bed.
"Kat, you're drunk.. Just go sleep in your bed, why do you always insist on sleeping in mine?" I asked with annoyance as she rolled around on my sheets.
"Becauseeee.. Your bed is so much more comfortable than mine.." She answered, finding my pillows and beginning to pass out.
"Is everyone gone, at least?" I asked, hoping I didn't have to go downstairs and break up the party.
"Uh-huh.." She replied, though she drifted off a little at the end.
"..Kat?" No response. "..Kat.." I tried to get her attention, though realizing she had passed out and I let out a heavy exhale.
I decided to call it a night, standing from the chair and I walked over to Kat, picking her up from my bed and I carried her out of my room and downstairs. It wasn't a struggle to hold her dead-weight, but it was when venturing down the stairs. I did it as carefully as I could and luckily I made it to her room without dropping her or knocking her head into anything and opened the door. I stepped into her ballerina-themed room and over towards her bed, laying her down as gently as I could and I removed her cat ears, tail, and shoes before throwing the blankets over her. I watched her cuddle into her pillow and I was glad that I managed to get her to her own bed without a fight like she would give me most nights she got drunk and insisted in sleeping in mine. Thankfully, she passed out before there was time for her to argue with me.
As I looked down at her, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a deeper meaning behind her need to sleep with men, both in the sense of sex and also just for the body to sleep next to. Her father was never truly there for her and she always craved his attention growing up, I wondered if she's the way she is now because of him.. Not wanting to be alone, wanting to be wanted and wanting to be loved since she was never shown anything of the sort from her father.. I now had yet another reason to hate my Uncle. Sure, he was there for her, but only in the one aspect that he paid for her schooling and housing, but I don't think I've ever even heard him tell her he loves her. I was spoiled like that, my parents always told me how much they loved me, but even I was a little jealous of her, because at least she still had her parents..
I finally stepped away from her bed and left her room, going down to the second floor and into the living room where the stereo was still blasting music and I noticed James was passed out on the floor.
"How can you even sleep with this shit blasting in your ears?" I asked his unconscious body with a chuckle. I turned off the stereo and went over towards James, grabbing his wrist and pulling at him, "Come on, man.. Get up.. I can't carry you like I can carry Kat.." I struggled to say as I pulled at him more and soon his eyes batted open.
"Ohhh, hey, maannn.." James said with a slur and he stood up, then fell into me as I put his arm around my neck to support him.
"Whoa! Come on.. Stand up and walk, let's get you to bed.. How's that sound?" I asked and he dragged his feet as his mind bobbed in and out of consciousness.
"Wh-Where's Kat..? Is she.. Is she asleep already?" He asked as we walked towards the stairs, going up to the third floor and I helped him to his bedroom.
"Yeah, I just put her to sleep, too.. She's okay, just drunk like you are," I said with a chuckle and I threw him down onto his bed.
"Th.. That's good.." He replied softly and I smirked as I watched him pass out again and he was asleep within seconds.
"Night, Jimmy.." I said quietly and I turned off his lights before leaving his room. Finally, the party was over, everyone was either gone or in their beds, and I could finally get some sleep tonight without hearing the ambiance of a party I wanted nothing to do with. No more Halloween, and no more of these dreadful decorations.. I'll make Kat take everything down in the morning and make her throw away all of these gross pumpkins so they don't start to stink up the house.
I went back upstairs to the top floor, looking to Camilla's bedroom door, the room next to mine, and I was glad that she was going to be visiting soon from France. She was just as driven as me when it came to her education and she wanted to go to my college to be closer to me, and also to go to a school that had lots of potential. Ever since the truth was told by my Uncle, Katalina and Camilla had never really gotten along, though it was mostly Kat that had the problem with Camilla.. She hated knowing that her father had another daughter with another woman, my mother, and even though Gareth treated Camilla the same as he had treated Kat when raising her, she still held this immense hate for her. I had never asked her about it because the moment that Camilla gets brought up, Kat wants nothing to do with it, so it was always hard for me to figure out exactly why Kat hated her so much. But, after a long time trying to convince Kat to let Camilla live with us before she enrolled in the college, she finally agreed, though still didn't like the idea at all. Kat made it clear that she was going to avoid her at all costs, or even move out, but in my opinion, she was being a lot more dramatic than she needed to be. Even though Kat and I were cousins, Camilla was still both of our sister in one aspect that neither of us agreed with or liked, but it wasn't Camilla's fault.. It was obvious that I accepted it more than Kat did, but maybe it was because we were both raised by a loving father in both of our early years, or, as loving as one could be, while Kat never had that..
I continued on, going into my room and shutting off all the lights but the one next to my bed, throwing myself down onto it and tucking my arms under my pillow, letting out one last large exhale as I lie there. My eyelids opened slowly, I was tired and wanted to sleep, but I still felt as if I couldn't.. My mind was awake but my body was exhausted, though I didn't know what to do to satisfy my erratic thoughts, the ones I have every night, wondering when I'll finally be lucky enough to have a night where I can fall asleep without thinking about my past.
Slowly, I reached up, turning off the lamp which was my last source of light, shutting my eyes then and hoping I'd fall asleep soon.
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Original chapter written and posted on July 12, 2014
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First Floor
Second Floor
Third Floor
Fourth Floor
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