Generation 1: Chapter 18, Finale

 🛑 This chapter is not suitable for anyone under the age of 18 🛑

Sadie was in the kitchen trying to figure out what to make me for breakfast. The kids had all gone to school before I came downstairs because I had decided to sleep in. Thoughts that I never could imagine would cross my mind.. Violent thoughts. I had been thinking a lot, planning for an entire week ever since Sadie had confessed to me about taking Jason to a psychiatrist and I was not pleased with what she told me about him. It made me angry and it confirmed everything I was afraid of. I hated that she had gone behind my back. What was worse is that ever since I had told Sadie that I would deal with it, I still was unable to think of anything so far that I thought would make Jason more accepting at the thought of me. I love him, at least I think I do.. As much as a father could love his own son, but I was beginning to resent him simply because he wouldn’t accept me; he was terrified of me and I knew Jason didn’t know why, but I could see it in his eyes every time I looked at him.. I hated the way he looked at me.

“I fed the kids before they went to school, do you want me to make you anything? Are you hungry?’ Sadie asked me while in the kitchen, hearing her clanging around dishes and pans trying to put something together.

“No, I’m okay,” I replied, returning my attention to the television that I wasn’t even really paying any attention to.

“Alright, I’ll just make something for me. Let me know when you get hungry though, okay?” She asked with a motherly tone and I didn’t reply.

Sadie’s talking to me as I space out, not listening to her and also not listening or watching the television. My eyelids grow heavy and I soon see darkness, my thoughts consuming me and I began to cringe at what was brought to my mind. My home, my babies, my wife; things I never thought I would have, and now I couldn’t help in thinking that I would be better off without them, and them without me. I was young and stupid when I met Sadie, I didn’t know what had come over me and I changed my entire life in the blink of an eye the moment Sadie came to my door three months pregnant with Hitomi. I hadn’t realized until it was too late. I tell her I love her, yet for some reason I feel as if someone like me isn’t capable of doing that, making me wonder if how I feel about her is even love at all, but more of a protective nature for the mother of my children. I’m possessive, Jason knows it, too, always questioning me and almost competing with me for Sadie’s attention. Even though he’s my own child, I feel as if he’s stepping too much into my territory, and he knows it; and enjoys it. 

I hadn’t even noticed Sadie sit next to me after her meal, I must’ve been sitting there with my eyes shut for a while; how long had she been talking with no response from me? 

“What?” I asked, hoping she would repeat whatever she had just said to me and I watched her sigh.

“Marrick, are you alright? I asked you about 4 times already,” Sadie said with slight disappointment but I didn’t feel the normal guilt I usually would at the sign of her feeling sad. I was too distracted.

“Sorry, I was just.. Thinking,” I reply and she shrugs it off, repeating whatever she had asked me for the fifth time.

“What do you want to get Hitomi for her graduation present? She’s done amazing her entire school career, she’s so smart and she really worked hard. I think we should get her something really special,” Sadie continued and I eventually nodded.

“Sure, I’ll think of something. We should do something for all the kids,” I answered, seeing Sadie smile wide and she was more than happy to agree with me.

I could tell Sadie was pleased with my answer as she looked to me as she gave me loving eyes, once again just like numerous times before, letting me handle it. She knew not to fight me so matter what decision I made, we had been married for over 17 years and I had no idea why I treated her like she was a pet instead of a person.. But, I couldn’t help but feel like she acted like one most of the time. She was weak and gullible.

“I love you,” I hear her say just above a whisper and I look to her, seeing and believing the look in her eyes and I smirked. I had to admit, for as long as this relationship has lasted, I couldn’t have been more pleased with who I decided to let into my fucked up life. Though, at the same time, I regretted being with someone like her; she was too good for me and she deserved better, much better, and she didn't deserve the road I was going to take her down. 

"I love you, too," I reply, swinging my right hand over her torso and grasping her hip, bringing her into a hard kiss that I was sure she wasn’t able to handle. She moaned gently against my lips and I realized it had been a while since we actually had any alone time without needing to do chores or errands when not tending to the kids. I'll make sure to spend some much needed time with her later.

Thoughts began to flow through my head once more, ones that made me regret all of this. How could I have been so stupid? I didn't want any children for this very reason, to protect anyone who would get involved with me and I hated that I only made more and more problems for myself without even realizing it as the years got away from me. I had to do something about this.. Hitomi was going off to college soon and same with Anya, not to mention Julia was close to being in high school and I didn’t want to lose any of them. I couldn’t handle it and I wanted to keep them with me. 

The day went on and I only worried more, thinking harder now than before as Sadie made dinner and I sat at the table with my children, looking to each of their faces and hating knowing that they remind me every day on how far I really had gone into all of this. I hated it. This isn’t what I wanted at all and now, look where I am. The conversation’s the kids had never caught my attention or made me feel like I needed to give feedback, their voices foggy as I continued to resent myself the longer I sat there.

Julia’s voice was flowing through my ears, though my eyes remained on Jason as I stared at him, surprisingly without him noticing. How was I going to do this? How was I going to set everything right? My eyes soon went back to Sadie, still preparing the food and watching her at the stove, watching as the burner caught fire after a few clicks of turning the knob to light it. The flames popped up, lighting the burner and she began heating the pan she was using to prepare the food and it was as if I was mesmerized by the blue and orange flames.

“Dad, what do you think?” Julia asked me and I looked to her with a dazed look.

“What?” I ask her to repeat it.

“Daaaad! You weren’t even listening,” she whines gently and I smirk with pretend guilt.

“Sorry, baby girl. I’m listening now,” I assure her and she smiles but I continue then to look at Sadie as Julia repeats what she asked me and I still don’t hear it. I'm far too distracted.

“Jeez, Dad, at least pretend you care,”  Hitomi added after Julia’s second attempt to get my opinion on something, snapping out of my trance once again and Anya took the initiative to give her little sister the attention she wanted.

“I think it’s awesome you wanna have a big sleepover with your friends, it would be a lot of fun. Hitomi and I can give you girls make overs, paint our nails, watch some rom-coms.. It’ll be awesome,” Anya said with a smile and I soon nodded in agreement, Julia noticing that I was finally paying attention now and she smiled with joy at my approval. 

“Anything you want,” I added and she only smiled more, giggling with joy.

Sadie finishes preparing the meal and brings plates for everyone and giving everyone a share of the meal, feeding me first, the children, then feeds herself last. I watch as Sadie doesn’t sit at the table right away, going over to her preparation area and cleaning it up so she didn’t have to do it later. 

“Sadie, come sit,” I told her and she looked over her shoulder at me with an apologetic smirk.

“I know, I know, but I don’t want anything to stay out too long, it’s so much easier to clean when you get all of the fresh crud off first,” she replied, continuing to rinse and scrub the dishes in the sink and I wasn’t pleased that she wasn’t joining us. This could be our last meal together, should I decide to go through with anything tonight, and I didn't like how all of us weren't sitting together.

It isn’t until everyone else is finished with their meal that Sadie finally joins us all at the table and there’s guilt on her face when she looks to me, taking in my unwelcoming stare and I feel as if I scolded her without even saying or doing anything. She doesn’t look at me for the rest of the time that she eats.

“Hey, do you mind if I go to my friends house tonight? I promise to be back before 11:00pm,” Hitomi grabs my attention. Just by her tone of voice and use of words without giving me her friends name, I knew she was going to try and sneak over to John’s house and that was the last thing I wanted her to do. She noticed the disapproval in my expression and soon fidgeted within her seat.

“Pleeeaaassee?” She begged.

“What are you going to be doing? You seem rather excited to go there,” I point out her not-so-subtle way of hiding the truth of where she really was going and she sighed lightly.

“We’re just.. Going to be studying, really.. I have finals in two weeks and I want to be ready,” she continued to lie and it only made me more disappointed in her; I raised her better than that. But, before I could contest to it, someone else did.

“Yeah, make out finals,” Jason mutters under his breath before following Anya and Julia out of the kitchen and Hitomi’s face turns red.

“Shut up, you little shit!” Hitomi called back and I gave her another displeased expression, not liking her language at the table. 

“Hitomi..” I scolded softly and she sighed, "Not tonight."

“Fine, whatever, I’ll just study here,” Hitomi caved in, realizing her lie wasn’t working out in her favor and giving it up.

We all sat within the living room, watching television together after dinner and I listened to their small conversations while watching the show, all of them giving their own little piece of feedback about the program and I could care less about any of it. As I watched my family enjoy themselves and each other’s presence, I couldn’t help but feel left out; it didn’t bother me, I wanted to be alone anyhow, and it felt like I was. 

“Alright, it’s 10:00pm, go and get ready for bed. You’ve all got school tomorrow,” Sadie said in a loving tone and the kids all groaned, but fulfilled her request and Sadie shut the television off.

Sadie and I always said goodnight to the kids before they went to bed, Anya coming up to us first and I welcomed her into my arms and I thought now would be the best time to give them all a little something.. Something happy to think about before they went to bed.

“How about you and mom go clothes shopping soon? You’ll need new things when you go into senior year. Maybe a laptop, too,” I said with a smile and Anya’s face lit up, giving me the reaction that I’d hoped for.

“Eeeee! Yay! Awesome, thank you! Can we go this weekend?” She asked excitedly and I looked to Sadie who smiled and nodded.

“Yup, let’s go this weekend,” Sadie confirmed and Anya let out another excited.. Noise? Squee? However you want to describe it. We all exchanged ‘I love you’s’ and she raced upstairs, happy as could be.

Julia walked up to us and she had a shy smile; I knew she wanted something, too. 

“Tell you what, how about when your mom and Anya are out shopping, we can go fishing and I'll teach you all the things you wanted to learn. My little angler hasn’t been to the lake in a while,” I offered and she lit up instantly.

“Cool! You need to teach me how to bait the worm properly again, mine always just falls off,” she complained and I nodded.

“I’ll teach you a lot of things, anything you want,” I continued and she only grew more excited, hugging Sadie and I and exchanging ‘I love you’s’ again. 

Hitomi walked up next and she already had a grin on her face, expecting the same treatment that we had given Anya and Julia. 

“I’m off to college reeeeeaaally soon.. Got amazing grades my entire school career,” Hitomi eggs on, hoping her treat would be something deserved rather than just flat out given; wanting to one up her siblings, I suppose.

“A car?” I reply simply and her smile fades instantly, not believing what I said and she stands there in shock.

“You’re joking, right!?” She asked hurriedly and I smirked, shaking my head ‘no’ and her jaw dropped.

“You’re right. You worked hard, you deserve it, plus you need to get around when you’re at college, don’t you?” I asked and her smile went from ear to ear.

“Oh, my god! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” She repeated and threw her arms around both of us, hugging us tightly and we exchanged more ‘I love you’s’.

“What do you want, sweetheart? I don’t want you to be left out,” Sadie cooed sweetly and Jason shrugged his shoulders.

“Anything you want,” I added and he didn’t bother to look at me.

“I don’t care, I don’t really need anything,” he replied and Sadie and I sighed, looking to one another and trying to think of something for him, “Well..” Jason began again, catching our attention and eager to hear his request. 

“C-Can I.. Get a puppy? I mean.. It might help a little.. With what I, you know.. See?” He asked, looking to Sadie with big eyes as if only asking her and she smiles, looking to me and waiting for my approval and I already knew she wanted me to say yes.

Sadie watches as I nod and she smiles wider, looking to Jason and happy to give him the good news, “Sure, we can do that. I wouldn’t mind a dog, either, if I'm honest,” Sadie agreed and Jason smiled.

I knelt down and thought I would try something, holding out my arms for a hug and my expression was weak, trying for the last time for my son to give me a chance to show him that I care about him, even if he doesn’t think so. Well, maybe not care, but his constant resentment and cold shoulders were getting on my last nerve and I wanted to give him one last chance to correct his behavior towards me. 

“Just one, that’s all I ask, I won’t ever ask you for another one,” I tell him and he hesitates, putting my arms down and giving up, “Why do you do this? Why do you shut me out and hate me?” I asked, wanting to know exactly what he thought of me. 

“Why are you doing this?” He asks in return and I’m not sure what he’s referring to.

“What?”

“This.. Being nice and giving us things. It’s like your apologizing for something you did or are going to do, or leaving or something..” He wondered and I was surprised while also impressed that he had seen right through me. We really are alike, and that's exactly what I was afraid of.

I rose back to my feet and stood straight, looking down to him and his expression was eager to hear my answer, “I’m not going anywhere, bud. And I didn’t do anything. I guess my concern for your guys’ well-being might come off as strict sometimes, but it’s because I care.. I’ll try to back off more, but you have to stop walking around like you can’t stand me, or no puppy, deal?” I made a deal with him and his expression grew irritated, not liking that I was withholding the puppy until he agreed to treat me better.

“Fine..” Jason agreed and I smirked, agreeing to the deal, although I knew he wouldn't uphold to his end of it. It was too much for me to ask and we both knew it.

Jason looked to me, his gaze lasting much longer than his normal ones, “Do, um.. Do you think I could go with you and Julia.. Fishing?” Jason asked and I smiled, nodding and Sadie was overjoyed with the huge turn around that Jason had directed himself towards, but it made me think that he was just doing it for Sadie. If she wasn't standing right there, I'm sure he would've told me to go screw myself or something.

“Of course, bud. Whatever you want. Julia and I usually wake up around 4:00am to get ready and be there before the sun comes up, think you can handle it?” I asked, knowing how much he loved his sleep on the weekends, but he soon nodded.

“Yeah, I can do that,” he replied somewhat confidently and Sadie and I tell him we love him, but he goes passed us with a smile without saying it back and goes upstairs to his room.

Sadie and I stay up for a little bit longer after the kids go to sleep, but around 11:30pm we call it a night and head upstairs. We didn’t go to bed right away, instead we tired ourselves out passionately before falling asleep, holding her against me and yet again, falling victim to those lingering thoughts I had as I drifted off to sleep..

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1:36 AM

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I’m tired. I look at the clock on the wall and it reads around 1:40 in the morning. The television is still on from earlier before we had gone to bed, it’s irritating but I don’t turn it off. My body is groggy, but able to move itself as I rise from the bed in a desolate manner. I walk to the dresser and put on pajama pants and throw on a shirt. I’m tired.. So tired of this. 

My twisted thoughts continue flowing through my mind and I’m tired of this. Of them. Of me and what I’ve become.. What Jason will become, and possibly already is.. I can’t.. My fingers twist all of the knobs of the burners of the stove, each one not igniting a flame, but I begin to smell the growing scent of gas.

I find an old candle holder and candles. I bring them to the living room and light them all. This will only take about 2 hours. Everyone will still be asleep. Sound asleep. Don’t worry, Daddy’s handling it. He’s handling everything for us all. I can’t let this family name continue. We can't continue this. I can't. I want to stop it all now. I need to stop this. This is the only way to make sure it gets done.

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. . . Two Hours Later . . .

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I toss and turn in bed, looking to the clock on my bookshelf when I finally wake and it’s almost 4:00 in the morning.. Ugh, I’m so tired.. Why am I up? I stand from my bed and stretch, rubbing my eyes and I stagger towards my window, looking out and knowing the sun was going to come up soon and all I wanted to do was sleep more. Maybe I should just go to bed..

But, I can't. I catch something from the corner of my eye moving on the ground and I look to it, my eyes widening as I look to Archor, standing by his grave yet again and I wonder if I should go to him. Why is he doing this to me? What does he want from me? I look at him a little closer, seeing him not taking his attention away from Hitomi’s bedroom window and I then wonder if he’s trying to tell me something; he’s never given me a sign before, is this the first one?

Screw it. I make my way to Hitomi’s room as silently yet as quickly as I can, coming into her room and turning on her lamp next to her bed. I look out her window and I can still see Archor.

“Hitomi… Tomiii!!” I pressure in a harsh whisper, hearing her soon wake and she scoffs at seeing what time it was.

“Jesus, Jason.. It’s almost 4:00 in the morning! What the hell are you doing?” She asks with a groggy tone and I still haven’t blinked once, keeping my eye on Archor and not giving him the chance to escape my gaze.

“Shut up! Look, look! It’s Archor! Do you see?!” I whisper loudly and I can feel Hitomi rolling her eyes, even though I’m not facing her.

“Oh my God.. Jason, go to bed, you nut,” she continues, but I hear her stand and come up behind me.

“What is this nonsense you’re going on… About..” Hitomi’s words stop and I knew that very moment that she could see Archor, just as clearly as I could. 

“Am I still a liar?” I ask her teasingly and I don’t get a response. I look back and she has tears in her eyes.

“Is that a dog..? Wrong with him? He’s hurt!” She calls out quietly, still trying to keep our voices down and not wanting to wake our parents.

“It's Archor! That’s what I’ve been seeing this whole time!”  I argue and she takes my hand, heading for the door to go to the back yard before I could even suggest it. 

"It's not Archor, Jason.. It can't be! It's another dog that's hurt," she insisted as he made our way downstairs, still not believing me, but at least she saw him, too. 

We walked down the steps and coincidentally, Anya and Julia meet us outside of their room; Julia was such a light sleeper, she probably was still able to hear Hitomi and I talking in her room upstairs. They knew to keep quiet, we were right outside of mom and dad’s room and they knew to ask questions later, instinctively following us without question.

We all walked quickly downstairs, completely disregarding the lit candles that were in the living room and we made our way outside; the house kind of smelled weird, too..? Hitomi and I were too awe struck in seeing Archor, while Anya and Julia were too curious about what we were up to to even address it. They followed us outside and Julia was the first to ask questions.

“What the hell are you guys doing? It’s four in the morning! Let’s go back inside, it sucks out here,” she stressed and Hitomi motioned with her hand to keep her voice down. 

“We saw Archor,” I start explaining quietly.

"It's not Archor, Jason-" Hitomi persisted.

“No, not this again!” Anya pleaded but there was no more time to convince them when Archor did it himself, all of us seeing him as we passed the large hay barrels. 

“O-Oh my.. God.. Jason, is this the poor dog you've been seeing?” Anya finally acknowledged and Julia was speechless. 

"It's Archor-" I continue to try to insist, but I don't think anyone believes me.

“Is it okay?! Someone go check!” Hitomi wondered, looking at the bloody dog in the distance.

Out of nowhere, Archor took off on his feet and dashed for the fence, leaping over it and beginning to run up the hill leading to the city.

“Wait!” Anya called out, "We have to help it!" She insisted and she was the first to take to her feet and we all quickly followed, hopping the fence and chasing after Archor. 

Where the hell was he taking us? Why does he always do this? Everything is always so confusing when it comes to him and whenever he decides to show up. I was mind blown that all of my sisters could see him, but they were all in denial about it really being him. I followed my sisters who were faster than me, trying to catch up to them as we ran up the big hill more and more.

The moon was the fullest I had seen it in a while and it was soothing in a way, but as we all reached the top of the hill, our hearts sank in fear and Julia had fell from an immense explosion that happened right behind us. The sky lit up bright for a few moments and we all turned around, horrified and beyond shocked to see our own house up in flames and the entire right side of the home was gone and blazing with fire and smoke.

“W-W-What… Happened!?” Julia cried out and Hitomi fell to her knees after the blast in shock, looking back and I couldn’t even describe what her face read.

Anya burst into tears, unable to handle or even remotely comprehend what had just happened as we all starred in awe and horror at our home going up in flames.

“Mom..! DAD!” Julia continued and none of us could even move, we were paralyzed by what we were seeing.

The sun soon rose and the sound of firetrucks in the distance rushing to our home grasped us all back to reality, all of us running even faster back to our home than we had ran to the hill. We all stood outside, mortified, in shock, in disbelief, there was no way this was happening.. No way to describe the extent of our grief and horror as we watched our house burn to the ground in a heated blaze that made us all sweat, all of us knowing our parents hadn’t made it without even needing to mutter the words. Hitomi was hysterical, but was still able to help try her hardest to comfort Anya as she and Julia balled their eyes out as I stood there, still in shock and disbelief.

Had Archor just.. Saved us all?

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End of Generation 1

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Original chapter written and posted on April 28, 2013